A Golden Lesson
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend prospecting and drinking with the boys without letting his wife know where he was. Being a good prospector, they hiked out to a spot with no cell reception and so his wife couldn't get a gold og him the entire weekend.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simpley said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of a corner of his eye.
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Priceless:
Joe wakes up at home with a huge hangover after a weekend of metal detecting and drinking. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
Joe sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. His boots that were covered with mud were clean and neatly placed at the foot of the bed
Joe looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Joe asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M.., drunk and out of your mind. You tracked mud all over the carpet and up the stairs. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have clean boots, no mud tracks on the floor, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, lady, I’m married!"
Broken furniture - $185.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.90
Two Aspirins -$.50
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.
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1,2,3
A prospector prepares to leave his rural home to go gold detecting up a nearby mountain that has always brought him luck before. He loads up his metal detector, gold dredge, high banker, and other prospecting gear onto his ATV. When he goes to start it up it jerks hard, kicking him and all of his gear off. He loads back up all the gear and looks at the machine.
“That’s One.” He says as he heads up the hill.
A short time later he is at his prospecting spot getting his equipment setup. Suddenly his ATV rolls back into his gear and knocks over most of his equipment before coming to rest in some nearby bushes. He pulls it out of the bushes and blocks it with a couple of large rocks.
“That’s Two.” He states obviously more irritated now.
Heading home after a long day of prospecting he pulls up to the house only to have the ATV’s tires suddenly burst, throwing the man off the machine.
“THAT’S THREE” He yells as he stomps over to his duffle bag.
His wife walks outside just in time to see him pull his shotgun out of his bag and unload several rounds into the 4 wheeler before it explodes and bursts into a large pile of flames.
“What the heck are you doing?” his better half yells. “You just blew up ten thousand dollars in machinery and mining equipment! Do you have any idea how illegal that is, not to mention the mess you just made!”
The husband looks from the wreckage to his red faced wife.
“That’s One.”
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Oops
A woman walks up to a teller and explains that her husband would like to have him over to their home for her husband’s birthday. The teller is confused because he does not know the couple. But being as they could be large clients he obliges and agrees to be picked up after closing.
Sure enough, as he leaves the branch the woman is waiting in her car for him and flags him down. They are on their way when the woman hands the teller a joint. He is about to refuse when he once again realizes that he does not know their financial situation and doesn’t want to risk losing a big account. He smokes the whole thing and is quite under the influence by the time they get to the couple’s home.
During the whole meal the husband glares at the man and is obviously upset but says nothing the entire night. The next day the husband goes to the teller’s window and apologizes for the way he acted.
“My wife kept bugging me about my birthday.” The husband said.
“I can understand that” said the teller. “But explain to me what I was doing there”
“I have no idea. I told my wife I wanted a high banker for my birthday and instead she brought you.”
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Signs You Have Gold Fever:
- You use your gold dredge to drain your pool.
- You go to a Hookah bar and are disappointed when they don't know what a regulator is.
- You go to the airport just to hear the metal detectors go off.
- You bring your own gold to the dentist, just in case.
- You've use your metal detector to find your keys.
- You take your kids to the playground and think about panning the sandbox.
- You know the market price for gold but can't remember what you ate for dinner last night.
- You tune up your dry washer more than your car.
- You're pickier about naming your dredge than your kids.
- Your kid's names are Keen and Proline.
- You won't camp in national parks because you can't dry wash.
- Your spouse can't take a bath because your panning your concentrates.
- The Minelab staff calls and sings "Happy Birthday" to you.
- You can't see how your neighbor could spend $600 on a new lawn mower as you load up your $1,000 metal detector.
- You have pictures of your nuggets in your wallet.
- You read these and said, "And?"
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